Bill Oldfield

We’re unfair to fat. Recently I was reading about a new only-slightly invasive technique for ridding the body of fatty deposits that stop one being attractive to other people – or so we’re told – and I was wondering how far I’d have to be pushed before I resorted to such measures. There’s a lot of pressure on me. After climate change, terrorism and the price of fuel, it seems that that the biggest threat to western civilisation today is obesity and, if your body mass index is not in the correct part of the graph, you’re a menace to society. And as the old joke goes, according to that measure, I’m five inches too short.

Obviously, carrying too much weight makes the heart work harder, puts pressure on the joints and prevents one from becoming a catwalk model. But being ugly doesn’t help a modelling career either and the…

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